Well the funeral of my sister in law/ friend was yesterday it was so unreal to think that I was at her FUNERAL weird and now life goes on and yes I understand we should move forward but as we left the grave site I couldn’t help but think about that now we go our merry way and we leave her at this grave. Death is hard enough but to die at the hands of breast cancer just seems so unfair. I guess I’m saying my farewell but I will miss Diane.
The last time I post it was about Ebony, a loving mother with three children she died of breast cancer. I can remember how hard that was for me only 32 years old, I just could not wrap my mind and heart around that! Well another special person to me has succumbed to this nasty beast we call breast cancer. Her name is Diane she is my sister-in-law from my first husband. Current husband doesn’t like when I say that but just because you divorce the husband for me I didn’t divorce the family so she will always be considered my sister in law. She passed last week and I am going to view her body today. That sounds so weird to me “View her Body” WOW. Her funeral is tomorrow. When I first hear the news hit me like lightning. I am having my own set of health scares lately so my the first thing happened is my chest started to hurt and it has been bothering my all of this week. Not wanting to miss anymore work and not wanting to miss Diane’s funeral I have decided not to go to the hospital instead I went and got a higher dose of aspirin, took my meds for my heart and blood pressure meds I’m feeling better. I think that its just my nerves you know.
I hadn’t post anymore since Ebony passed, going through my own personal things I just didn’t feel like writing but after Diane passed and because she was very, very private about her illness a total opposite of Ebony I wanted to know more so I started to look online and found a breast cancer site and began reading the comments from others who are suffering from this terrible disease. I wanted to try to understand better what both Diane and Ebony went through and although its hard reading it because it hurts me to see so many ppl with this disease and to be quite honest its scary as heck! but its also something I feel like I need to do. It is the blog where I ran across a blogger who blogs on WordPress. cancerinmythirties.wordpress.com. She has been so inspirational and I would love to get to know her better. I don’t know it’s like she explains every moment that she is experiencing and I wish I could do something to make her feel better and its strange but she helps me deal with my pain I don’t know its crazy but I am so happy I found her and I hope she is doing good. I would so much love to hear from her just to know she was ok.
Here are a couple of pics of my dear friends.
This is Ebony. This Diane with my son. This was the last time I actually saw her. She came to see my son off to College.
My son-in-law is so dear to me I literally feel like he is my biological son. I love him dearly. My son is going through a lot his 2 cousins were both diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 cousin 32 years old was given 3 months to live, the other 37 was given 6 months. Last week the 32 year old succumb to cancer only after a few weeks of being diagnosed( Towanda) and it was just anytime the 37 year old( Ebony) would do the same. Well this past Saturday while at the burial site Ebony also passed. I have been in such distraught these pass few weeks already going through my own battle with RA and being told that if I didn’t take the medicine then I wouldn’t live as long as a person with cancer. Finding out that Ebony had gotten worst it took me back, I just cried and cried. My daughter said mom I didn’t think you would take this so hard. First of all I feel like death has become so common to people not that they are not sad but people seems so immune to death now. To be honest since I turned 50, 51 now I think about my mortality more than I ever had before. It’s funny when you are younger you think you’re invincible. So I was so distrust when I heard about Ebony and her cousin both so young. I am so close to my son in law and I consider his family like family. I didn’t know Towanda as well but Ebony like myself went to a lot of family functions. Ebony’s fate just took me back to that doctors visit and I remembered how scared I was so I took on how she might be feeling it was just so emotional for me. This Saturday like I mentioned earlier just makes you think, I better really start smelling the roses and stop focusing on death. She seemed like she had made her peace with it and as I felt what can you do it’s happening you know? After my mom, dad, brother, and sister passed death became so real and all I could think of was what was going to be my fate, what was going to get me so when I got the news of my sickness I was like I guess this is it. We take life and the things around us family, trees, flowers, the way the air smells in the beginning of spring. We take all those things for granted. Just stop and take the time to tell your love ones I love you and smell them roses!
Today I want to share with you about my experience with menopause. I had heard about the “Change of Life” when I was growing up and the “Old Age Spread”. I often wondered to myself what could that be like for a women, all I ever heard was how women were angry at the world and didn’t like sex anymore and that they experienced old age spread. My mother never talked about it at all, but my Aunt who had a partial hysterectomy often spoke of it as pure double hockey sticks to say the least. I never really worried much about it I was a very slim girl, teen and women with a very high sex drive. Well my mom died with all of her secrets and pain, I never got the opportunity to speak with her about how she felt as a women going through this difficult part of her life:-( Things changed for me when I got pregnant with my son, I found out I had fibroid tumors and because of the pain my sex life with my first husband took a big fall. I was told by doctors that I would need to have a hysterectomy but with constant conversations with my aunt it never happened. I was able to have a Uterine Artery Embolization that fixed the problem but I was automatically thrown into menopause. Waking up with hot sweats, and feeling like my body was burning from the inside out I was miserable and lost. I tried talking to my GYN and I found that she was very vague on the subject. I have often tried to make sense out of what was happening to my body, mind and spirit. Before my procedure actually a few years before I found love again and married my second husband we’ve been married going on 7 years now. At first things were beautiful and I was very surprised to find that love making was good again but about 5 years in, the pain began again and I had the procedure done and the menopause reared it’s head and here I am. I know this doesn’t sound like a fairy tale ending and I ended up battling menopause, I still have all of my organs such as my ovaries and my uterus which is great because there is still hope for a normal life. As we go on I will elaborate on the option I am now about to take to further enhanced my life. I would like to say if you are experiencing pressure to have a hysterectomy unless your problem is life threatening wait and take the time to do your research. You should carefully explore alternatives that maybe available to you so that you can make an informed decision about what is the best alternative for YOU. Some doctors only see the uterus as a means for having children but your uterus and ovaries play an important part in the way that you feel. If they take your ovaries you are depleted of hormones that you need to lead healthy, loving live. I’m not saying that you can’t live without either but believe me you want to keep all of your organs if necessary. I hope that you find that my blogs are helpful, and insightful. I welcome all to join me, we all need each other, I’m just a work in progress as we all are. So any information that anyone can share would be appreciated.
Thanks good night.
Hello, I am new to blogging. I have been on all sorts of social media’s but I really wanted to start blogging. A friend of mine got me started so here I am! I welcome all to join me in this new journey of blogging. I hope to shed light and hope through my words, life and experiences.